Debits and credits

I am an accountant at heart… no, don’t switch off, hear me out.

As an accountant I understand that every action has an opposite and equal reaction – that is to say, every debit has a credit. If I buy a car I acquire an asset (debit) but my bank account goes down by the amount I paid for it (credit). If I earn income my bank balance increases (debit) and my accounts show a gain (credit). And if I omit to let the tax man know about my income I can expect to become Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Similarly, in life every experience we have is accounted for in debits and credits. If I eat a whole bar of chocolate my greed is appeased but my waistline increases (and my standing with those hoping to share the chocolate diminishes too). If I speed on the motorway I gain an adrenaline rush and may get to my destination sooner, but I risk a driving ban and the opprobrium of my fellow motorists.

All that, causes me to contemplate what the balance sheet looks like with regard to my increasing disability. It is patently clear what I have lost, but at the same time I have gained things too.

Clearly my world view has shrunk; inevitably so, as I am increasingly restricted in what I can do. However I think the gap has been filled by being more reflective and being more willing to hear other people’s perspectives. I have learned that knowledge isn’t vested in one individual (me) but that everyone has wisdom to bring to a decision. It almost certainly makes me a better chair of meetings.

I think too I have learned the power of being more open, more vulnerable, more honest about who I am and what I need help with. Generally people are only too willing to reach out, and in so doing we build a stronger community together. I have learned, or at least bit by bit I am learning, to be more patient: more patient with myself and more patient with others. When it takes approximately one hour to have a ‘quick shower’ and to get dressed, it seems churlish to chide others if they don’t move at a convenient pace to suit my agenda.

And I have learned to be kinder to myself. To not be frustrated by what I can no longer do, but to look instead for what I can do and to try and do that. That mainly revolves around being a listening ear, a source of advice and counsel, an encourager, rather than the person who does things. I do wonder though, if I was to be healed, whether this new-look ‘Inaction Man’ would simply morph into laziness!

The net effect of all these debits and credits is, I fear, a net loss, at least in terms of my perception of how life might have been. But there is gold too, to be found amongst the rocks. 

If you want to be notified of future posts’ or to comment on this post please click at the comments section at the top of the page