What would you like to be able to do that is physically beyond you? I’m not talking about flying, or walking on the moon, I’m more thinking about things that other people do or perhaps even things you used to be able to do, but no longer can. It might be trampolining, running to catch a bus or climbing a tree.
People keep commenting on how positive I am in these posts, so here’s my chance to rectify that. Let me tell you about the things I would love to be able to do, but which are beyond me
– I would love to be able to give someone a proper hug, but I don’t have the strength in my arms to reach out and grasp them to me. Instead I give the impression of being a reluctant hugger, and I’m really not that, honest.
– I would love to be able to pick up my grandchildren when they fall down or join in a game of chase, but I am actually more likely to need them to lift me. I used to be able to chase the kids on Molly, but sadly no longer.
– I would love to be able to make Sally a cup of tea in bed before she gets up in the morning, but I am not even able to carry a cup of tea safely let alone wrestle with a kettle. If you ask her, she might well say that the tea deficit is the thing that most makes her wistful about our old life.
– I would love to be able to make decisions about where I will go today without having to arrange for someone to take me and wondering whether the place will be accessible when I get there. The loss of independence is profound.
– I would love to be able to stand in a shower and let the water run down my face without the fear of falling over because my eyes are closed. (Try balancing on one foot with your eyes closed and you will get a sense of what I mean. It is much harder to balance safely when you have no sight lines).
– I would love to be able to worship God at full voice, but I have lost the power I once had and now can only sing sotto voce. In the same vein, I would love to be able to pick up my viola once more and make beautiful music, but I can’t even muster the strength to open the instrument case.
– I would love to be able to lift my head up to look up at the hills or at a sunset, but the muscles are failing in my neck and all I see these days is the ground. And I would love to be able to enjoy a meal without having to stick my face in my plate to get the food into my mouth and then lean back to straighten my throat so I can swallow it.
– And I would love to be able to come over to your place and help with a building project or to go to the pub with you and not be worried about the amount of liquid I dare take on board because I can’t access the toilet.
There, is that grumpy enough for you?
Excellent post, Ian, as was the previous one, which I missed at the time but have read now.
I don’t think this piece is grumpy. It is honest and realistically reflective but still I hear your positive voice, even if a little sotto voce.
Your “written voice” is very much you, so I wouldn’t suggest that you strive to change it. I suspect that most of your friends/readers would agree.
Thanks Ian, I appreciate that but I clearly need to work harder on my ‘grump’ 😂
Thank you, Ian, for inspiring me to enjoy all those things you mention, which I can still do with ease. Due to a lifetime of being inept, I do not miss trampolining or climbing trees as I could never do those anyway.
Stephen – there was a time when you too experienced a lot of these restrictions, but thankfully you recovered your health which we all rejoice in.
“Like” seems a most inappropriate response. Thank you for being so candid & willing to share the tough stuff. Sending love. Xx
Grumpy or positive you are still an inspiration . And I am learning so much from your posts, you have always been keen to help others learn and try and understand more. So many things that we take for granted . Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thanks Amanda.
Eating normal fresh bread and cakes and Cornish pasties, and pasta etc. But these changes for me are quite trivial compared to some people whose diet is very restrictive. It is also readily manageable for me without impinging on typical daily activities such as moving around. So based non your blog today I will be grateful for free movement and what that gives.
You needing to look to the ground most/all of the time describes impeccably just one consequence of your condition that must add to the frustration. ‘I lift my eyes to heaven from where my help comes from’; I know you still have that hope as it weaves into your blog even when you try to write in a grumpy style. And in many ways it seems the abundant provision of that help comes in the perfect form of Sally. Looking forward to seeing you both next week.
Looking forward to seeing you – we’ll bring the pastries 😉.
If I was you I’d have been way more grumpy and would have thrown in quite a few expletives. Sending love ❤️
Thanks Ruth. Thinking of you all xx
Thanks Ian , for reminding us of what we take for granted.
We have a lot to be thankful for in the midst of the grot.
Hi Ian – under the so called “grumpy face” is still the caring Ian I have known and continues to inspire all of us.
Thanks Paramjit. I hope you are keeping safe in the cyclone